Caveman Ninja Review

Ugg! He may have a good supply
of rocks to throw but it’s still
brown trousers time.

A mad seerial killer with a blunt instrument and an identity crisis… GUNNS and Cave man Ninja make a good team!

Ugg! Ugg! Rugugga hurlugga, huruugg! Fizz, click…… Sorry, the translation podule’s on the fritz. Ahh, that’s bette. The story’s like thi… Burr, wheee, ssss…ucking batteries! At last. Translator power-pack’s snafu, so I’ll keep this simple and short.

Heap bad men steal Joe’s bearskin babe. Me find bad men, when find, spuash wih heap big club! Me can run, jump, crouch ‘n’ do big spinny leapss.

Joe have many power-ups-apples, water melons, burgers, stone axes, flints, boomerangs, stone wheels ‘n’ that hot fire stuff!

After finishing an exhausting
level it’s always good to come
home. Wilma!

There be many places to go till me find woman and me have to fight two heap big monster types in each place!

Dinosaur burgers!
Them damn monsters am Halticosaurus, adult Tyrannosaurus, the legendary giant tyrant Triffid, adult green Pteranodon, the Nothosaur, the mythical Dacentrurian, a Pachycephalosaurus, an adult blue Ptheranodon, an adult red Tyrannosaurus and the fabled Sagileocorn.

Phew ugg! Me think Joe stay home an’ watch flintstones. On other hand if Joe no rescue his stone age shelia, who do the cooking? Yup! No pleistocene lizard’s gonna keep Joe from his woman, ugg hang on babe, Joe comin’ta rescue ya!

Ugging axe!

Collect all the power-ups and one
day you too be able to own a
flying machine!

For much whopping Joe got big ston… wheee, sssss… ugger me!…

Oh thank goodness! For a minute there I thought I was gonna be trapped in that game forever. Fated to wear a grass skirt for all time. Anyway to recap.

This is a damn fine five-level left/right parallax scroller. There are two guardians to waste o each level which calls for Joe’s power somersault and some mean axe throwing.

You’re kitted out with some great digitised speech and music almost straight from the coin-op. Gameplay’s fairly hard (boy did I miss my fire-and forget photon lance launcher, ideal for use home and abroad) with only an axe to start with. It’s well put together but could do with being longer.

Verdict: 77/100

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